i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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