Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
