i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
