chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
