Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
