What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
