I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
