My friends, they love my intelligence
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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