Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
