how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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