every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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