You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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