When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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