i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i think i just lost a toe
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
