If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
