I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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