His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
