a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
