just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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