Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
