and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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