yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
