I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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