So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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