9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
