I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
