It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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