We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
