The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
