I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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