Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
