His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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