I cut my penus on the lid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
