I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
