C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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