I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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