I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
