I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
