Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
