She's JV to your varsity
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
