If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
