So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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