If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
