I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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