It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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