maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
