She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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