I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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