I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize