My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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